Post by Anwaar on Sept 11, 2008 15:22:40 GMT 4
Bush's Adios
Author’s note: The soon to come Bush’s farewell address will be delivered in Texican, his native language. To enjoy the address, you got to have a working knowledge of Texican.
Author’s note: The soon to come Bush’s farewell address will be delivered in Texican, his native language. To enjoy the address, you got to have a working knowledge of Texican.
By Anwaar Hussain
Guys ‘n gals!
Howdy gang,
When I took over the presidency of this great country of ours, hombres used to say about me, “The engine’s runnin’ but ain’t nobody drivin’”. In my eight years on top o’ the world I went on to prove all o’ them damn wrong. Though now I am as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party in most o’ the countries of the world yet if you’ve done it, it ain’t braggin’. I dunno how can one call someone a cowboy without havin’ seen him ride? Now only Iran sometimes reminds me that if one gits to thinkin’ one’s a person o’ some influence, he shud try orderin’ somebody else’s dawg around. A nucular strike is one way to teach the Iranian dawg some tricks though.
Before me the White House was so dry the trees were bribin’ the dogs. No fun’t all. When I became the head honcho o’ this ere country of ours, I told my crew that its time to paint your butts white and run with the antelope. Before me, they were used to boss-men who were jes big hats, no cattle. Me thought it was time they knew this ain’t my first rodeo.
O’ the Dem hopefuls, I have only this to say. Barack seems to be a guy who, dumber than dirt that he is, looks like the dawg’s been keepin’ him under the porch. He’s as full o’ wind as a corn-eatin’ horse. Sometimes, I feel like beatin’ him like a rented mule.
And ’bout Hillary, the less said, the better. She’s been rode hard and put away wet, poor gal. On top o’ that, she’s ugly as a home made soap. What gets my goat is that she thinks the sun come up just to hear her crow. She’s got tongue nuff for 10 rows of teeth, I tell y’all. She shud a been hidden in the basement like a crazy aunt long time back. Hombres the world over still remember her and her husband’s time in this ere white house. They ate supper before they said their grace, they say.
The two will keep runnin’ backerds and forards down the dirt road till they trip over each other. Nuff said.
‘Bout the war in Iraq, I too was a shakin’ and a waverin in the beginnin’ like y’all. But then Dick, Gawd bless his soul, saunters over and says, “Don’t worry ’bout the mule son, just load the wagon.” That’s when I called for guns’n hosses and started a loadin’ and a shootin’. Tuff ole cuss this Dicky of ours, I tell y’all
Now that I am goin’, I feel kinda aggervated. My advice to y’all is that when you’re ridin’ ahead o’ the herd and you think you are ridin’ high and doin’ aw’right, take a look back every now’n then. Jes make sure the herd’s still there. And don’t be all swole up if it ain’t. Jes drink upstream from the herd when you find it missin’.
Also, when the blue norther hits, jes fess up that this is whole nuther thing and say howdy to it as best as you can. And to yoreself, say, “shoot!, dadgummit ole galoot, jes light out”; and then light out; as I am gonna do purty soon. You will feel all wore out and done for but you will live, I tell y’all.
Yo Laden! You are whole nuther thing. You done stopped preachin’ and gone to meddlin’? Why mah country man? But remember, we’ve howdied but we ain’t shook yet.
Now that I aim to git goin’, I feel like a one-legged man at a butt-kickin’ contest. And to y’all that always cussed me, I say only this, “You can always tell a Texan, but you can’t tell him much.”
To the rest o’ y’all, though darn few, lemme admit havin’ learnt a few lessons durin’ my campin’ in this ere white house. Lemme list these for y’all.
In the case o’ Iraq war, I learnt there are 3 kinds o’ people: the ones that learn by readin’, the few who learn by observin’, and the rest o’ them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it’s reelly hot. I am the rest o’ them.
Then there are some more;
1. Never slap a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.
2. Don’t squat with your spurs on.
3. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back in.
But above all I learnt, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” I never shut up.
Yassir!
X-X–X
Copyrights : Anwaar Hussain